Friday, July 18, 2008

Ron Horn Runners Update - July 18

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Joggers and Joggettes;

2 or 3 of you had asked to get off our subscription list. Was too busy this week but will deepsix you next week. Just ignore this horse hooey, like the other 10,700 people do!

1) MEGA EASY AWARD ALERT: this Sunday’s wonderful Winning Kick 5k thru the flat, shaded old neighborhoods of Mt Penn currently has about 60 entries and gives 53 awards. Now, they do get a decent walk up every year but this race is TOO nice not to warrant the attention of some of you. The app is on; timing and course design by Pretzel City as well. If you’re looking for something FAR more wild on Sunday, Big Wayne will be timing the Xterra 21K and 10K Trail Run down in Nottingham, PA Don Morrison puts on a 1st class event and since this race helps earn points from the national Xterra rankings and championship, he has about 175 entries so far, from as far away as Reno, NV!! Check out the contact info for the race on the PCS site and give this event with national recognition a try.

2) I am KRANKED about the upcoming Marsh Creek Raptor 5m & 10M trail run!!! I rode the course with the race director the other day and its 99% certain that we’re going to make a change that will add some really neat trail with downed logs and a mud bog or two; the kind of stuff the crazies like! Even BETTER is the fact that this addition would eliminate 2 of the least appealing parts of the course; the long, grassy, uphill field in the sun that comes about the 3 mile mark and the start where you go thru a parking lot, run on grass and then return thru the parking lot. The new course, if implemented, will be FAR nicer, less confusing for those doing a 2nd lap and more shaded. The race director has generously extended the prereg to midnight tonight. So, get those apps postmarked today or get on TODAY, JOSE! This price break is FAR more than any oil cartel member has done for your pocketbook lately!!

3) A few prereg deadlines are coming up. The Grings Mill 5k & 10k, Pennsylvania’s prettiest race, has its deadline in just a few days. The shirts & medals for this event will go back to the retro design for this event that I used when I first directed it in 1987. It still remains one of the nicer shirts given in this area. It’s also time to start looking at the deadline for the Half Wit Half, trail running’s answer to labor pain and now finishing at the Reading Liederkranz German Singing and Sports club, and the Run4Sam 4 Miler in late Aug. The Hit the Hay 8 Mile trail run deadline is approaching too! 5-6 creek crossings, some wonderful vistas and a sickass course designed by Big Wayne, who is as demented as he is tall. You can find all of these apps on Lastly, the wonderful Legs for Lindsey is not too far off either. This mid-week evening race at Evansburg State Park is in memory of Lindsey, a special needs child who got wonderful results from horse riding therapy. The race is directed by her mother in memory of her daughter who tragically died in her early 20’s, and proceeds will go to help other special needs kids have this same wonderful experience.

4) BIG happenings at last night’s Third Thirsty Thursday. A young man showed up and asked what the course record was. He was from Michigan, in town with his wife who is from Berks Co. I informed him that it was a 16:10 but that they had just re-stoned the trail about 2 weeks ago and it was still not quite hardpacked and, as such, a little slower than it will be in 2-3 weeks. “Well”, he said “it’s going down.” Now, I LOVE bravado because it normally leads to 2 things 1) either a great performance or 2) a chance to trash someone who makes a claim and then they fall flat on their face (like the guy at the end of the bike at the recent Trimax triath. He was in the top 10 at the end of the bike and I told him he was 45 seconds behind the person ahead of him. He asked me how far he was behind 1st, I told him 7 ½ minutes and said that there was no way that he was going to catch him with a lead like that in a 5k. He said-“we’ll see about that”…., and we did! Not only did he NOT catch him, he dropped 3 places in the overall!! ). Anyway, back to the Third Thirsty. The guy was true to his word. Despite the slower course, he ran a scintillating 15:01; the second fastest 5k I can remember in Berks Co over the past 15 years, Ends up, his last race before this was in the finals of the US Olympics Trails, where he took 8th in the 3000M(?) steeplechase. Second place was in the mid 16’s and he STILL got beat by over 1:30!! It was an incredible performance and it happened at our little old race known for hot times and cold beers!

5) For several years, a prominent, wealthy restaurateur in NYC’s Little Italy was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he told her that if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child and stayed there to raise it, he would first pay her a large sum of money and then provide very generous Child support until the child was 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a postcard, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would
then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 7 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'Honey,' she said, 'you received a very strange postcard today.'

'Oh really?' he said trying to look none the wiser, 'Surely a case of mistaken identity or a wrong address - let me see the card.'

She passed it to him and watched as her husband read the card. Upon reading it, he turned white and fainted! It said…..

'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

"Send extra sauce"

6) Although the 20 in 24 race is full, many folks we know are coming down this Sat and Sunday morning just to watch it. They want to see how some of these folks look after 20-21 hours of nonstop torture!! It will be interesting to see just how many people are able to grasp one of the 50 Mile certificates and the 100 mile certificates, considering that the weather is supposed to be hotter than a Pamela Anderson bra fitting. Not sure who all is running it but I know they include Laura Yasso, wife of Bart, Rob Gallagher of the BuxMont Club, Scott Tutton who directs the many races from the Hatfield Athletic Club and several members of our home club, the Pagoda Pacers. Should make for some WONDERFUL stories of pain and perseverance!! Now, if I can just stay up for 30 hours!

7) Fred's convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.

"I suppose," said his pretty but reluctant date, "you're going to pull the old 'out of gas' routine."

"No," said Fred, "I'm going to pull the 'here after' routine."

"The 'here after' routine what's that?", she wanted to know.

"Well, it goes like this. If you're not here after what I'm here after, you'll be here after I'm gone."

8) The very popular Lehigh Valley Hospital Marathon for VIA (individual and relay) has limits to its entry so if you’re thinking about doing it in early Sept, you better get on this stick!!! Or off of it. Or whichever it is. Oh, heck, just throw the stick away!!! The event goes from Allentown to Easton on primarily packed cinder trails and is one of the most competitive relay races in the East, with a VARIETY of divisions! PCS will be timing it and Bart Yasso, of Runners World is the quasi-director of the event; at least the part that relates to the course & rules. Hope to see a bunch of you there; either along or with 4 other knuckleheads. The web site is

9) A doctor had just finished a marathon whoopee session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to “schtupp” one of his patients.

However, a little voice in his head said;

"Lots of other doctors have whoopee with their patients so it’s not like you're the first..."

This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another voice in his head said,

"... but they probably weren't veterinarians".

10) Tidbits:

A major mailing is going out this week to people that did a race on our list over the past year. It contains the Hit the Hay, the Michael Wise, the Blues Cruise Ultra, the Live, Love, Hear 5k from Trooper Thorns, the Radnor Red Run Steeplechase, the Dark and Dirty Nighttime Trail Run and the Evansburg Challenge. It should hit the post office today and if you don’t see one in a week or so, most of the apps are on the PCS site.

The water crossing at this past weekends’ Herbert”s Off Road race in Allentown was a complete hoot! Some 198 people did this combination of grass, packed cinder trail, rustic trail and one hilarious creek crossing. Special props go to 2 people. The crossing was just about race deep but there must have been a slippery rock near the bank, because several people that stepped into that section were immediately thrown forward up to their neck. 1st props go to our old buddy and always a frontrunner Budd Coates, from Rodale, who slipped on that rock immediately immersing himself up to his neck and thought, what the heck, and swam the reminder of the waist deep challenge. The second prop (I hope I have the name right) goes to Dr Jack Manzella. For reasons only he will know, he took off his shoes and then tried to get his dog to jump in. The dog was obviously the smarter of the two and refused! Dr Jack threw his shoes on the bank to try to get out and join the dog when one of them fell back in and started floating down the creek. Thanks to the race director’s brother, Neil, the shoes were saved while Jack dealt with the hound. NEAT race all around!!!

Still trying to find out what happened to the McFit and Able 5k in Orwigsburg. Did they have it this year?? This race was wonderfully directed and treated the runners better than 98% of the event that I attend. But, the course was SO hard that almost without fail, 90% of those that did it ONLY ever did it once!

Wonderful turnout the last 2 weeks for the Wed night races. The Moyer event got almost 450 people and the Phils Tavern did even better than that at 501 in the 5k alone! With the weekends being SO crowded, its great that we now have other options! One of the entries at the Phils run was the assistant director of the Boston Marathon who is also the director, at least for logistics I think, of the Phila Marathon.

Be sure to check out the Aug edition of Trail Runner magazine. They did a 20 year anniversary piece on the GREAT Hinte Anderson (HAT) 50k in Havre de Grace, MD. Congrats to Jeff and Phil for what they have done to make this one of the best races in the country. LOTS of familiar faces in the pics of the article; plus the event was won by our good friend & frequent PCS race winner Alex Barth and our clubmate from the Pacers, Lauren Zuidema.

THIS is why I stopped training for all long races. The Western Sates, the premier 100 miler in the country, was cancelled this year due to the forest fires in California. They had to do what they had to do. But, there are people that patterned the entire year’s training around that race. That HAS to be a bummer!!!

11) Shorties-----

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only shorts made from Glad Wrap. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

What's the difference between a “hooker” and a “pusher”? The hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool.
When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other and said:
"Did you notice the small weenies on the rich kids?" The other answered:
"Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play with!"

An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers.

"Oh honey", said the young nymph,
"Does that mean we're going to do it three times?"
"No", said the old man, "It means you can take your pick of any of them."

12) If this email is as well received as Reverend Jackson’s remarks on the Obama campaign when he though his mike was off, “jess” let us know and we’ll take you off the list.

Ron Horn
Pretzel City Sports

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